It's that time again! Buckle in!
Fall of 2022
First day of Sci-Fi class. Prof walks in with Nikes and a shooting star shirt that reads, "I know too much."
Bro 1: "I don't do coffee, bro. I drink Redbull."
Bro 2: "That kills your liver, bro."
Bro 1: "Everything kills your liver. You seen what water does to metal? Oxidization, bro. You're putting that sh*t in your lungs!"
Zooming past people on a scooter saying nyoom and they nyoom back.
A guy packing a red lightsaber. In jeans.
Heard a guy saying into his airpods, "Yeah, I got an interview with the Secret Service tomorrow, so I gotta be ready for that."
He didn't even look like a student. What was he doing on campus at night???
One guy, very adamantly, to another guy, who looked very done, "Jesus ... He danced with them at WEDDINGS!"
A girl bringing her whole entire laptop (with a heart diagram for Bio, I assume) to a Bible study / concert.
A guy fully dressed as Santa Clause boards the bus, playing Christmas music from his backpack. He casually asks if anyone has seen his elf. No one has, and the girl standing next to him distances herself. He asks a guy what he wants for Christmas. "Probably a new car." "That's probably not happening." Another girl recognizes him and asks for a picture. It is October 20.
Some guys sitting on a bench with a cardboard sign saying FREE ADVICE. I ask if I should skip class for a longer break. They say they've skipped for less.
Girl 1 to Girl 2: "He was throwing chicken tendies at the crowd."
Student 1 to Student 2: "Do you think in a thousand years, Harry Potter will be like Homer's Odyssey?"
Girl with paper pop-up mushrooms taped to her laptop, on the phone: "She was like, we're gonna go study, we're gonna find a wuiet place room at Quadbucks and get a giant thing of caffein, then we're gonna go and get boba, and I'm like, when in all of this am I supposed to study? And I feel like that's how it is with God."
Image Description: A white board covered in surprisingly amazing anime illustrations, including Chainsaw Man and Pochita.
Spring of 2023
First day back after Christmas break. The bus exudes dreariness. Except the driver. Absolutely vibing the F out to "Say So" by Doja Cat.
Some guy intently playing that old toy that's like a ball tied to a double-headed cup with a string.
*2024 Editor's Note: Apparently, it's called a Cup-and-ball toy. It originated in the 14th century and is ubiquitous across cultures.*
My English Teacher: "Every Agnes was a baby at some point."
A husky guy wearing a hoodie that reads, "Fatties get baddies."
2:50ish pm. Some guy: "This is my breakfast."
Person 1: "You're declaring f#{&ing war on these bugs!"
Person 2: "No I'm not."
P 1: "Every week, you unveil a new weapon of mass destruction against these f#{&ing bugs!"
P 2: "But it's working!"
P 1: "Oh my God."
P 2: "Their numbers are dwindling!"
P 1: "You're the Oppenheimer of bugs!"
Being overwhelmed by how adorable humanity can be. Friends chatting on the bus. Drivers waving to each other. The bilingual warnings telling people to watch their step lest they hurt their little precious selves.
Some lady on campus wearing a shirt that says BE A HO NO MO shouting, "I'm gonna talk about the Apostles Creed, and then I'm gonna slut-shame some more."
Prof: "Wikipedia is the Ninth Wonder of the World!"
Guy weaving colored string together: "All the cool kids make bracelets, BRO!"
Image Description: A girl's homemade anklet that reads CHEX MIX
ID: A quote from Anthropology class that reads, "You try to hide your belly's wrinkles with bean-meal, Polla, but you smear your stomach, not my lips. Better that the blemish, perhaps a trifling one, be honestly shown. Trouble concealed is believed to be greater than it is."
ID: A collection of random friend quotes on stickynotes. The first says "I just want to POP out children..." The second says "So yeah, what are yall's biggest insecurities?" The third says "He's so cute when he's soaking wet." The last says "Didn't you hear, the eneagram is from the devil!"
ID: Another collection of friend quotes. The first says "I'd like that 'stache to wipe dust off my face." The second says "It tastes the way it looks." The third says "Alicia's literally... what is she doing? Witchcraft?" The last says "God, I will not choose Bridgerton over you again."
Summer of 2023
The guy with a whole entire sword outside Panda Express and Smoothie King.
"I don't know anything. I'm just a philosopher." - Philosophy Professor.
Philosophy prof who puts trademark symbols brand names on the whiteboard.
ID: A slide from a presentation on how to be pretend to be humble. Step 1: Recognize Your Superiority. It can be hard to be humble when you are so great. But you can only really be humble when you know you are great but choose to grace others with your presence anyway. For example, I am the best, but I am telling you my secrets. The image depicts a swol Speedrunner Mario from Something Versus with a subtitle reading, "I am 4 Parallel Universes ahead of you."
ID: Step 2: Gain Their Trust. Pretend to be one of the peasants. They are too stupid to know. They will trust you within 3 days on average, I have found. The image depicts Mario looking down on you and saying "Pathetic."
ID: Step 3: Inspire Fear. There is no one who can stahp you. Learn where they live, then tell them when you call them from an unlisted number. Do this for your court-ordered psychologist, especially. Name your child Bartholemew. The image is Mario saying, "But I will not have won until I've defeated you in every Parallel Universe."
ID: A slide explaining The Milk Game. In this hilarious game, the participant is locked in a room with 4-time Olympic Champion Bodybuilder Bruno Cionetti. Bruno will chase the participant around the room, beating them with a frozen gallon of milk. The game ends when all the milk thaws and leaks out of the jug. Your friends will LOVE this game. People love it so much that they usually go into comas halfway through the round.
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